Talk:Groomed

"The rules are simple: they lie to us, we know they're lying, they know we know they're lying, but they keep lying to us, and we keep pretending to believe them." Elena Gorokhova, A Mountain

To be groomed

The term grooming can commonly be associated with predators who groom young children to engage in heterosexual or homosexual behavior. In that sense, Grooming is the predatory act of maneuvering an individual or group into a position that makes them more isolated, dependent, with an unwarranted trust, and more vulnerable to abusive practices and accepting behavior that may be self destructive by their nature.

Of course, adults or even whole nations may be groomed to produce a desired way of thinking and behavior that alters their societal culture, political policies, and historical fate.

There are at least six steps or signs commonly associated with grooming.

1. Finding a victim. Someone vulnerable to suggestion, insecure. 2. Gain trust. Offer since of security and or justification. 3. Grant a benefit. Relieve any emotional or physical pain by bolstering pride. 4. Isolate the victim. Inserting identity blocking alternative viewpoints with fear, anger, and guilt. 5. Consummating the relationship. Get the victim to act and behave in a way contrary to their natural conscience. 6. Maintain the relationship and power. Return to the process renewing the trauma with justification fear and pride.

Vulnerable Victim

What makes one person or a people more vulnerable to suggestion and control?

“Man is not what he thinks he is, he is what he hides.”

Like hypnosis people who find it difficult to engage socially with others seem to be better than average at hypnotizing themselves but it is the Extroverts who are generally more suggestible, and typically make better subjects on stage.

People who are insecure about themselves or have low self esteem are more vulnerable to people desire to groom them. Self confidence comes from positive experiences. If you accomplish something for yourself or others that since of achievement can nurture confidence. Overcoming conflicts, even very small ones prepares you to face the world.

"Find yourself" was a mantra of the sixties and seventies. To find yourself you need to see yourself. The more you learn to see the truth about yourself the better equipped you will be to engage with others.

Social Engagement is the process of communicating which is opening or exposing to others who you are and what you think. If you are not use to self examination you may fear exposure of your faults. Fear of rejection or fear of humiliation or abuse is the fear of emotional pain and can make you more suggestible to a groomer.

"Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something." William Goldman - Princess Bride

If we do not make peace with the pain that comes to us in life and embrace it, forgive it, we will hide from it and lock it away in the dark recesses of our mind. This makes us more vulnerable to those who can see or detect those hidden secrets. The denial of the truth is a denial of the light in our soul. That denial becomes a habitation of darkness, a dwelling place which we dare not enter. It becomes a house of fear.

"And thorns shall come up in her palaces, nettles and brambles in the fortresses thereof: and it shall be an habitation of dragons, [and] a court for owls." Isaiah 34:13

“Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will...” Yoda

We by nature are gregarious creatures. Grooming is about being controlled by others but they offer something you think you are missing. With an unsatisfied need to be engaged with others you may be more vulnerable to predator grooming and the deception they use.

Lying is a form of deception, but not all forms of deception are lies. Lying is giving some information while believing it to be untrue, intending to deceive by doing so. The liar by nature intends to deceive or mislead.

A lie is not just something that is false but is often encased in the truth, the more truth the better the lie is at deceiving. One of the most common ways to deceive someone is by omitting information from a string of facts even if some of the facts are unrelated to the essence of the lie. They can deny the truth but it is often better to hide it behind shadowy facts that while true are irrelevant or misplaced. Exaggerating information by placing greater value on a fact than is warranted by reason is another tool of a good liar.

“There is nothing more deceptive than an obvious fact.” Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, The Boscombe Valley Mystery

A lie does not need to stand up under scrutiny to obtain the desired control of a groomer. For a lie to be effective it only has to distract you from the whole truth long enough to get you to act upon it. Suddenly you become the liar and now you can be maneuvered by guilt to defend that which by reason you would no is false. You can be manipulated into believing you are the deceiver, you are the guilty party. To return to a place of reason becomes a point of pain to be avoided.

The best propagators of a lie are those who believe what they are saying is true but the best liars are those who are without a conscience.

"Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron;" 1 Timothy 4:2

Narcissists personality may generate or elicit complex and even contradictory emotions. The narcissist use a variety of emotions to keep the victim in a state of fear using extreme acts shock, awe, and guilt and then relieve that trauma with extreme acts of kindness and placation to maintain control.

The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions. Leonardo da Vinci

Trumped up Trust

Why are people so insecure that another may easily manipulate and deceive us so that we trust them?

Just as we want companionship we want friends we can trust. The more insecure you are the more vulnerable you will be. The more vulnerable you are the more you will need reassurance. A groomer will play your emotions pulling and pushing to keep you off balance.

Deception is a major transgression that often leads to feelings of betrayal and distrust between relational partners so it is essential the victim defend the lie and be-given the the tools to do so. Defending the lie is shrouded in the delusion that you desired or fostered the relationship and to tell or even see the truth becomes a thing of guilt. Deception violates relational rules and is considered to be a negative violation of expectations but the groomer gets you to believe to tell the truth is betrayal. Truth becomes an object of pain and is avoided and denied and anyone who tries to share the truth becomes your enemy.

Baneful benefits

The fear and shame-based relationships draw people with similar attract trauma together. This leads to forming emotional alliances with others and make enemies of those who are not so inclined.

Estrogen enhances fear while testosterone dulls it influence. Testosterone also increases competitiveness and an aversion to failure seeing fear-avoidance as a weakness. Their desire for confidence may produce a more shame-avoidant behavior in the testosterone dominant.

It is common that vulnerability opposites may attract, personal satisfaction derived from the strengths of others may create depends. If that depends is abused for selfish reasons a destructive relationship may be generated. Mutual empathy comes from mutual respect of both partners and their roll in the bigger picture.

Our generational perspective within history and a larger society can facilitate our transcending of the limits of our own experience of vulnerability and the opposite vulnerabilities in others.

To see the vulnerability of others we must simultaneously see our own. Humility is the skill that gives us an ability to see that which by nature we wish to hide or keep covered.

Social Distancing

core vulnerability is the emotional state that is most dreadful to you, in reaction to which you’ve developed the strongest defenses. Other states of vulnerability are more tolerable if they avoid stimulating your core vulnerability and less bearable when they don't. For most people, either fear (of harm, isolation, deprivation) or shame (of failure) constitutes their core vulnerability.

Participating Practice

“The simple step of a courageous individual is not to take part in the lie." "One word of truth outweighs the world.” Alexadr Solzhentsyn

"The art of pleasing is the art of deception." Luc de Clapiers

"An offended heart is the breeding ground of deception." John Bevere

Habitual Affirmation

A narcissist is a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves.

Someone in love with hisself or herself.

Person full of egoism and pride.

One who shows extreme love and admiration for himself or herself.

Is nationalism a form collective narcissism. Nationalism vs. Patriotism:

Narcissism vs. Self-love

Devotion, especially excessive or undiscriminating devotion, to the interests or culture of a particular nation-state.

n.

The belief that nations will benefit from acting independently rather than collectively, emphasizing national rather than international goals.

n.

The belief that a particular cultural or ethnic group constitutes a distinct people deserving of political self-determination.

Nationalism is an idea and movement that promotes the interests of a particular nation, especially with the aim of gaining and maintaining the nation's sovereignty over its homeland.

Nationalism holds that each nation should govern itself, free from outside interference (self-determination), that a nation is a natural and ideal basis for a polity and ...