Enmeshment

The term Enmeshment describes a relationship between two or more people in which personal boundaries are permeable and unclear. This often happens on an emotional level in which two people “feel” each other's emotions, or when one person becomes emotionally escalated and the other family member does as well.

Enmeshment is a concept in psychology and psychotherapy introduced by Salvador Minuchin to describe families where personal boundaries are diffused, sub-systems undifferentiated, and over-concern for others leads to a loss of autonomous development.

While there is a natural codependency in the relationships of the individuals within the family, if that relationship stifles the natural growth of the individual family member, we call that enmeshment.

The experience of being in an enmeshed family can be traumatic on its own. Some trauma in life can make us stronger if there is love and repentance. But eventually harm may be printed in the mind and personality of the individual especially when abuse of the enmeshment is considered to be normal.

When does dependency become abuse?

If growth of the individual is retarded where natural maturity process is not allowed to progress.

If this progress and growth is due to natural boundaries of relationships being crossed, it may be considered "emotional incest" or “enmeshment.”

In some cases of enmeshment, this trauma is the result of an outside trauma, such as a sudden loss, serious illness, or natural disaster. Identifying the source or sources of trauma are key to seeking recovery.

The true problem with enmeshment may go much deeper than family structure but may depend as much on the structure of society which can enmesh families, undermining their autonomy.

Minuchin believed that the root of most childhood problems is not within the child but the family as a unit. Therefore, to change the child's behavior, we must help change the family.

Social structures may impart if not dictate types of relationships between people. But more important is the mental aboration of the individual, their imagined needs aand requiremnents.

There is often a war going on in the mind of the individual who is a product of previous generations. That war may be between selfishness and sacrifice, vanity and humility, forgiveness and judgement.

There is a great deal of talk or consideration of individual autonomy and borders, as well as hierarchy.

Hierarchy is about power, but power is not always about force. Reason, compassion, loyalty are also power.

Are we truly autonomous?

We could accept that the God of creation as we imagine Him would be autonomous, but he even gave man the power to make some choices.

But it was also true that it was not right that man be alone. We were made to be "Relational dependent species" but relation to what and how?

We are all enmeshed in something,

Sense of self is always censored through our own imagination?

Truth. Of self.

Where does autonomy begin and end?

To know what your wants and needs are, you need to know your self. What is the truth? What is the truth about you?

Enmeshment trauma may result from the trauma of seeing our true self, or our unwillingness to see the whole truth.

Enmeshment is being entangled with something or someone.... But what and who and why?

If you want a strong sense of self, you require an Honest view of the truth about yourself and allow others the same opportunity.

God gave us the right to choose. Do we give that right to others?

A healthy sense of self does not seek isolation. Nor conflict .. nor does someone seeking the truth fear either.

A healthy sense of self is called a "core" as in the core self.

Since God is autonomous, he can say "I am that I am".

We are also an "I am" but only as we are enmeshed in the "I am that I am". Are we willing to let others be who they are meant to be in the "I am that I am".

What does it mean when a person is enmeshed?

Enmeshment describes a relationship system where members are expected to think, feel, and believe certain ways, based upon spoken or unspoken rules for interaction. That form of relationship ultimately prevents true independence.

If we have an over involvement in the life of others people, we may become enmeshed in relationships and often become overly involved with one another to a point where individual growth is impaired or retarded.

Codependent spouses or parents may become over-involved in their loved one's life and activities. How do you know if you are stifling growth?

What causes enmeshment?

The imprint of enmeshment frequently occurs as a result of family patterns being passed down through the generations.

What does an enmeshed marriage look like?

Enmeshment is having poor boundaries as to where your partner ends, and you begin.

Male and female include basic rolls for thousands of generations but darkness and cognative disonance.

Parental enmeshment

Parents who are overly and inappropriately reliant or make child reliant upon them. Parents because of personal resentments may be blind to the damage they are doing by living part of their life through their children.

Enmeshment may mean a parent centers their actions or emotions on the child or children and their successes or mistakes, attempts to know and direct all the child's thoughts or feelings, and relies heavily on the child or children for emotional support or a feeling of wholeness.

Fathers may push their sons to do what they failed to do in their own life. In an enmeshed relationship, a mother provides her child's love and attention but tends to leverage or exploit that relationship, fortifying her own needs by living through her daughter.

You can call this “parents without borders,” as they tend to lack the ability to establish healthy boundaries.

Here are six signs of an enmeshed family and the boundaries that they violate:

1 Parentification. Parentification violates your basic need to receive care. ...

2 Criticism. Criticism violates a sense of worth. ...

3 Possessiveness. Possessiveness violates a sense of autonomy. ...

4 Helplessness. ...

5 Unpredictability. ...

6 Rescuing.

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