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=== Fellowship of lies ===

Dependence and being needy carry a charge negativity in our culture but we can cover that over with words like ''[[fellowship]]''. We have to realize that much of this is not consciously done. But just searching for a church or congregation that makes you "feel comfortable" especially if it takes you away from others you have called friend or brothers brings a possible dependence vulnerability or personal ''neediness'' into question. 

Individuals who take on a roll of dependence or appear helpless often have an unhealthy desire of controlling their partners or fellow congregants for personal emotional gain. This commonly arises in male female relationships where there is an unconscious resentment for previous authority exercised earlier in their life. In the case of physical abuse victims you will often find a woman escaping from one abusive relationship only to enter the arms of another individual who eventually abuses them. 

Society and community and therefore the church congregation may repeat this pattern.

Some may [[force]] or entice others to assume the role of emotional caretaker <nowiki>[guide or guru, mentor or master, pastor or pope, president or prime-minister]</nowiki> so they may manipulate their emotional protagonist <nowiki>[leader, preacher, pastor]</nowiki> into giving what is wanted, be it emotional or eventual financial support. 

We may have all seen how children will try to get their way by nagging and fussing. There are also children who get their way by softly and meekly pleading for what they want in a sort of projected false humility or helplessness, while in fact they are merely pulling the strings like a professional puppeteer.

Both play the same role of controller from a different fantasy or imagined dependence. Psychologists call the role playing needy as “Omnipotent babies” who like to appear helpless and childlike but secretly want to pull the strings of their pastors or partners like the puppets they secretly imagine them to be.

The natural structure of the kingdom of God expressed in the practices ( [http://www.hisholychurch.org/study/polity/article7.php  Rituals and Ceremonies] ) of early Israel and the early Church guard against the emotional dependency that creeps into any social structure or gathering. But there is no structure that can give total immunity without the Spirit of God dwelling in the hearts and minds of the people. 

Forgiveness and giving in the Spirit of Christ is essential.

People who demonstrate emotional dependency and helplessness often have little tolerance or real love and patience for the pastor or person who seems needless.

They are both in denial about their real needs but are compensating in different ways. 

Christ is sufficient, but you have to accept and love the real Christ who says you should seek the kingdom of God and His righteousness. You should not be denying and projecting your needs.  

Matthew 18:3 "And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.  Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven."

Being a little child to what [[Father]]? 

We are to call no man on earth [[Father]]. Not our Pastor or preacher or any leader and certainly not any ruler who exercises authority. We are not to put men on pedestals of power or influence, but look to our Father in heaven.

So, how do we avoid the addiction to an emotional dependency that comes with a cell congregation. In the article [http://www.smallgroups.com/articles/2000/emotionaldependencyincells.html Emotional Dependency in Cells] ''How to identify and break the bondage of dependent relationships'' by Steve Prokopchak we see a clear case of ''emotional dependency''. How do we set the dependent free while remaining free of their natural trap of co-dependence.

Prokopchak asks "A primary function of the cell group is to lend itself to closer, more intimate relationships. But, what happens when these relationships become ingrown or dependent and a destructive bondage develops?"

First we must accept that a dysfunctional home is the product of a disconnection with God and His Holy Spirit and dysfunction is a product of an unhealthy relationship with two or more disconnected souls or persons. 

In other words two souls have been disconnected from the righteousness of God and they are trying to compensate in some form of social relationship.

They are both needy and are not helping but often making the situation worse. An illusion of aid is given at the price of more dependency and an inevitable return to  a cyclical process. People learn to manage the problem but never overcome it. 

Like modern medicine we are only dealing with the symptom and not the source.

We may try to list off things that lead to emotional dependency,
such as Feelings of Insecurity. The truth is feelings of security are just as dangerous because they are feelings and may have nothing to do with the real us.

Just like having low self-esteem, being very self-confident and self-assured may only be a product of personal pride and arrogance.

Certainly having a dysfunctional family background can contribute to these things. However the bible says "visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children"<Ref>Exodus 20:5  Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;
: Exodus 34:7  Keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, and that will by no means clear the guilty; visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children, and upon the children’s children, unto the third and to the fourth generation.
: Numbers 14:18  The LORD is longsuffering, and of great mercy, forgiving iniquity and transgression, and by no means clearing the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation.
: Deuteronomy 5:9  Thou shalt not bow down thyself unto them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me,</Ref> it does not say we are ''condemned'' to repeat the same sins done to us.

[[Forgive]]ness works.

The need to criticize others and even ourselves is judging, not forgiving. Also forgiveness is not absolution it is only forgiving from our personal position as a victim or perpetrator of unrighteousness and letting God judge. Any judgment or condemnation of ourselves or others is simply us playing the roll of God which takes us all back to the original sin.<Ref>Genesis 3:5 For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.</Ref>

Fear is a symptom of a lack of faith and [[faith]] is gift. [[Faith]], probity and allegiance are similar terms. Seeking the kingdom of God and his righteousness is about doing something to return to your Father's house where your first allegiance should lie. If you want to live in your Father's house you must seek to serve your Father.

We often realize our lack of faith and [[forgive]]ness and our selfish nature.  Rather than repenting and changing our thinking and ways, we play the role of the devout martyr, wearing our proverbial sackcloth, donning the garb of the ascetic, fasting and denying natural relationships and joy, even sabotaging the very relationships we claim to seek. 

We are continuously pulled back to commune and [[fellowship]] as if we need that connection to recharge our batteries. That is sure evidence we are not connecting with God because we are constantly needing others to renew our comfort level. If we are not sincerely seeking to connect with God on His terms it is us that is blocking that connection of [[faith]]. That is usually because we will not [[repent]].